Awareness > Pessimism
One week from today I will be in Colorado! The simple act of typing that sentence created a weird feeling. I would describe it as the opposite of déjà vu. With déjà vu you experience an odd sense of being in a current experience in a previous time, what I am feeling not that at all. Packing all of my belongings into my vehicle, moving to another state, going to grad school, these are all things I have never done before. Don’t get me wrong; I am excited for the blank canvas that is Denver, Colorado. And with my excitement comes a host of negative emotions.
Among my negative feelings is the resistance I am already building up about my future in Colorado. One of the random things I am resistant to is the fact that I have this silly notion that upon arriving in Colorado, I will be required to purchase Chacos. It is as if there are stations along the border, requiring me to give up my leopard print flats in exchange for strappy hiking shoes. My resistance to these technical and necessary shoes probably goes back to my snobbish and unnecessary desire to be perceived as a semi-stylish human being.
I realized this resistance (among many others) this last week and I immediately became frustrated with myself. Why am I already messing up my blank canvas with pre-conceived notions about my life in Colorado? Unfortunately this is simply another example of my humanness. I cannot help but overthink what life will be like there, even though I am not even there yet. Future thinking is inevitable so what I can do is recognize this mindset of resistance and work through why I am experiencing these feelings.
Resistance to new things is not uncommon. Many of us experience this occurrence on the regular (to varying degrees). I believe resistance to new experiences is a way we prepare ourselves for what is going to happen. We don’t know what the future going to be like so we build up ideas about it, and sometimes they are negative. Let’s stop doing this, k?
Resistance is unavoidable but the way that we react to it is completely within our control. I am committed to staring my resistance in the face and requesting reasons why it is showing up in my life. Awareness assists in confrontation and this is a powerful tool for our development.
So, I am okay with my resistance to strappy hiking shoes, and I am committed to working through this negativity. Will I buy a pair? Who knows, maybe so. The most important thing to note is that I am aware of my pessimism and I am open to changing my mind.
What are you resisting to and how is it holding you back from a new experience?