Compassion as a Key to Success

What feelings come up for you when you hear the term Self- Compassion? 

Some of you may love the idea and maybe you are already trying to implement this in your life. For others, showing compassion to yourself may feel like a weakness. Maybe like you’re going too easy on yourself or letting yourself get away with some failure or shortcoming. Let’s be real, with how focused our society is on hustle and success, many of us fall into the second category. 

But the truth is, self-compassion is actually one of the best ways to elicit long-term change within us. 

That may sound counterintuitive. We have this belief that being too easy on ourselves leads to complacency, right? So many of us attempt to change through sheer self will, spurred on by anger and shame about the thing we are trying to change. Studies have shown, however, that approaching a shortcoming or weakness from a place of self-compassion and non-judgment, is actually more motivating and pushes us toward change and growth more effectively. 

You see, once we become aware of something that we believe needs to change, we have a few options. The first is to be self-critical. We can get angry at ourselves for our lack of discipline or motivation, and wonder why it is that we can’t just “be better.” These feelings of judgment and criticism are overwhelming, and typically do not lead to lasting change. 

The more critical we are of ourselves, the more afraid of failure we are likely to become. Therefore, the thought of trying to change, but failing, becomes very scary. It’s a vicious cycle: angry at ourselves for not being able to change, and then trying harder to change, but failing, then being angry at ourselves for not being able to change again, until understandably, we stop trying all together--- Is your head spinning yet? 

The second option, on the other hand, is to approach the situation with compassion. This enables us to gently acknowledge the need for change without feeling overwhelmed. In turn, we find ourselves in a better position to move forward with less fear of failure. When we fear failure less, we are more likely to try. When we move forward toward change without fear of failure and without self-criticism, we can confront issues realistically; with an understanding of our humanity. Eventually, we can train ourselves to respond regularly with compassion first. 

This is easier said than done, especially if our reactions toward ourselves have been those of self-criticism and deprecation for years. I’d encourage you to start small. Notice how you respond next time you “mess up” in an area of your life you have been attempting to grow and change in. Do you immediately respond with anger and exasperation? Do you feel trapped, frozen, or shameful? If so, try to turn toward compassion. Maybe speak kind and non-judgmental words to yourself, or even write them down. Perhaps pause to breathe for a few minutes before taking any type of action. It will likely feel unnatural and first, and may take some trial and error to find what self-compassion really looks like for you. But it’s worth it. 

No matter the form it takes, compassion is an important catalyst for change. And when we learn to access it, we may just be able to see and feel a healthier version of ourselves.

This post was created by Elle Cahalan, the newest member of True Core Health.