Boundaries
Boundaries.
There is a reason this term is a buzzword.
We all know we need them, yet they can take so much willpower, and therefore, energy, for us to not only implement but also to follow through with. This can cause resistance in the strongest sense of the word.
But what if we could acknowledge that resistance while reminding ourselves of the true necessity of boundaries? I wonder if there might be a bit more incentive to do the work required for a healthier self.
According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program:
“A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends . . . The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is, of course, to protect and take good care of you.”
A couple of notes from this definition:
Boundaries remind us of our sacred relationship and responsibility to ourselves. While we are hardwired for relationships with others, we cannot lose ourselves in them. Our boundaries signal our need for clear differentiation and independence in the midst of relationships.
Boundaries are crucial for our wellbeing in that they protect us and help us get the respect we need and deserve. If we are upholding our boundaries, we are, in essence, nurturing ourselves and reminding ourselves of our worth.
How to Set Boundaries:
Get clear on what’s important to you. What do you want and need to protect? These could include items from the following categories:
Physical boundaries — This refers to your personal space
Boundary example: “I don’t want to share a room with my sister at Christmas because I don’t sleep as well with someone in the same room as me.”
Emotional boundaries — The level of emotional detail you choose to share with someone
Boundary example: “I won’t tell my mother-in-law about the fight I had with my husband because I don’t feel like she would understand.”
Time boundaries — How you choose to spend your time
Boundary example: “I’m not going to go to the party because I want some time alone to recharge from my busy week.”
Clearly communicate your boundaries, both verbally and through your actions. While it would be amazing if others were telepathic and could anticipate your every need, it doesn’t work that way. You are responsible for advocating for yourself.
Keep acting in accordance with your boundaries. This is the hard part. Persistence is key. If you are always breaking your promises to yourself, then you will never accomplish what you need to accomplish, namely, a healthy relationship with yourself.
Reassess your boundaries on a regular basis. This life is full of diverse seasons, and we are going to have changing needs. This is normal. What do you need in this season?